Special Needs

Counting backwards

Counting backwards

Holidays seem to make me count backwards. Where was I last year? The year before? I did this before Eva, but now it feels even more pressing. Easter is no different. Last year on Easter I drove to the Hawkes Bay for a holiday with friends. The holiday coincided with… Read more

My next guest – Rachel Callander

My next guest – Rachel Callander

Earlier tonight I was angry about the way a mother was having to get signatures on a petition in order to get her special needs child a heart transplant. I was railing against a belief in society that someone with developmental delays is someone deemed less worthy than “normal” people.… Read more

Sign the petition – give Lily a new heart

Sign the petition – give Lily a new heart

I was listening to some people talk about language the other day. They were discussing racial slurs and slurs aimed at the special needs community. They seemed to agree that racial slurs were not ok under any circumstances, but when it came to special needs slurs (we all know which… Read more

I have a voice and I will roar

I have a voice and I will roar

There was a feeling that I don’t think I ever felt before Eva was born that I have come to know now. Before Eva was born I felt twitchy, anxious, like I wasn’t doing enough with my life. I always imagined that I would have written a novel by the… Read more

Putting the podcast out there

Putting the podcast out there

Telling my story and Eva’s story hasn’t been easy. At times I have closed my eyes to avoid seeing my fingers hitting “Publish” on certain posts. I worry that I’ve said too much, that I will be judged and condemned for things I’ve done. But even with that worry, I… Read more

We are all different

We are all different

There’s this strange dichotomy in the world of special needs. There’s the parent on the one hand who says, “I love my child and wouldn’t change a thing about them”. And then there’s the relieved mother who gets a 12 week pregnancy scan of her second child, after having a… Read more

Eva memories – day 11

Eva memories – day 11

Eva was due to have her hips operated on not long after she died. At three months old they realised she had hip dysplasia. I could have laughed I was so angry when the paediatrician told me that. “She’s had her hips checked before,” I told him. “She is seen… Read more

Eva memory – day 5

Eva memory – day 5

I missed yesterday’s memory. I was so busy editing the next podcast that I forgot. It got to be 9pm and my brain was tired. I looked at Eva’s photos and said sorry, I’ll make it up tomorrow. Today’s memory is about realising that communication with Eva wasn’t something I… Read more

Eva memory day 4

Eva memory day 4

When I first took Eva back into my care she got sick. Really sick. The night before I was to pick her up from her foster parents’ house, I got a call at 1am saying she was in the ER having trouble breathing. I remember asking, “seriously?” To which her… Read more

Almost a year now

Almost a year now

I’ve been back in the country for a little over a week. In that time I took two days to do nothing. Absolutely nothing. I watched TV. I went for a run/walk. I slept. A lot. I cooked for myself. I tried not to think about the impending school year… Read more

Almost a year now

Almost a year now

I’ve been back in the country for a little over a week. In that time I took two days to do nothing. Absolutely nothing. I watched TV. I went for a run/walk. I slept. A lot. I cooked for myself. I tried not to think about the impending school year… Read more

There's a battle going on

There’s a battle going on in the special needs community.  I first became aware of it when I followed a link a mother had posted on facebook to Lauren Swick’s article in the Washington Post. In the article, entitled Writing for the Mighty, for my son and with my son,… Read more