Guilt

No excuses: Imagine it

No excuses: Imagine it

“I can’t imagine what you are going through…” It’s a phrase that every parent who has lost a child has heard multiple times. It’s meant well. The speaker wants to let the griever know that they recognise the magnitude of this loss. They’re trying to validate the griever’s feelings by… Read more

Counting backwards

Counting backwards

Holidays seem to make me count backwards. Where was I last year? The year before? I did this before Eva, but now it feels even more pressing. Easter is no different. Last year on Easter I drove to the Hawkes Bay for a holiday with friends. The holiday coincided with… Read more

I won't sit in the waiting place

I won't sit in the waiting place

When you lose someone you love, there are some dates and days that are harder than others. Anniversaries, birthdays, family gatherings, Christmas. They all take on a different meaning. We remember the Christmases we got to enjoy with the people we have lost, and we know that we won’t have… Read more

The last 5kms

I’ve had three nights away from Eva. The most I have had since she has been back with me has been two, and I’m really feeling it. The first two nights I exhaled and relaxed and enjoyed the feeling of sleep without my senses being on high alert for her… Read more