Acceptance

#Notspecialneeds

#Notspecialneeds

In the world of social justice, language is important. I consider myself fairly woke, or if I’m honest, in a continuous process of waking up, and almost daily I learn something about the language I’m using in reference to disability, mental health and ableism. I thought I had the disability… Read more

We can’t just condemn

Satoshi Uematsu, 26, killed 19 people and injured another 26 in a centre for disabled people near Tokyo, Japan, this week. He did so under the premise that he wanted “to rid the world of disabled people”. In February he sent a letter to a politician outlining his plan. He… Read more

A New Year, moving forward not moving on

A New Year, moving forward not moving on

The end of 2015 is approaching.  I feel conflicted about how to view it and moving forward. I’m sure some people would think I would want to put the last two years behind me. 2014 and 2015 have without a doubt been the hardest years of my life. I have… Read more

That old chestnut 

I was reading a special needs mothers’ facebook page today and had to catch my breath for a minute. There was a comment on there  in reaction to a blog post that I felt so strongly about. It wasn’t ableist, or offensive. It didn’t use language that offends in the… Read more

A club you never wanted to be part of

A club you never wanted to be part of

It’s hard to press publish on a blog where the majority of the posts are about grief. It’s hard because I’m writing what I’m feeling, but I don’t feel that way 24 hours a day, or even every day. I hesitate to press publish because I know it makes people… Read more

Discovering stories – Bethany Van Delft

Discovering stories – Bethany Van Delft

I get so excited about discovering new things these days. New friends to meet. New TV shows to binge watch. New comedians to make me laugh. New stories to inspire me. New music to smile to or cry to. New authors to read. It’s a big part of why I’m… Read more

The next step – The One in a Million baby as a podcast

The next step – The One in a Million baby as a podcast

This post is going to be different. I am excited. Really genuinely excited. I can feel life buzzing away in me. I can feel Eva’s influence on that excitement and feel her steering me gently into the project which is making me so excited. I wrote a while ago about… Read more

A lesson in humility

A lesson in humility

This post pains me to write. It involves me admitting some things about myself pre Eva that I’m embarrassed of now. I feel ashamed of the thoughts and feelings I had and it’s easy for me to sit on my self-righteous pedestal with my new thoughts and feelings and forget… Read more

Triumph

I’m part of an amazing group of women online. We are the spin off to a larger online group that in turn is the spin off to an amazing parenting podcast, The Longest Shortest Time. This group of spectacular women have supported each other, and me, through some crazy ups… Read more

Casting the first stone

I feel very cautious about this post. I’ve been thinking about it for a couple of days and while I realise I might not be putting out the line that most people take, I think it’s important that I do. In the New Zealand news recently there was a story… Read more

She's quite something, this girl

I feel like I have accepted Eva as she is now, but I realise I am not quite ready to see where she may end up in five, 10 and 20 years time. I am part of multiple online communities for CHARGE, including a group with parents of toddlers and infants… Read more

Equilibrium

Let me preface this post by saying I am not a poet. While I love to write, and I love to read poetry, writing it has always felt like fumbling in the dark. Any poetry I write feels trite and cliche and clunky to me. I search too hard for… Read more

Summertime and the living is… pretty great actually

Today felt like the start of summer. The mercury hit 28 degrees celsius in some areas of the city. It was weather which forced me to let my very pale legs brave the sun, and weather which insisted on sunscreen and a hat. The Peanut spent most of the day… Read more

The variety contained within the common

Yesterday I reblogged a post by Star in her eye about Strange Luck. The piece talked about the luck the writer felt at the issues her daughter didn’t have, in comparison to other children with the same syndrome. Issues most parents don’t ever have to feel lucky about, or don’t… Read more

Happiness breeds happiness

While we were in hospital last week a friend who I haven’t seen for a long time visited the Peanut and me. She had been following the blog so knew the basic run down on the Peanut, but had never met her. She arrived shortly after I had been told… Read more

I’m looking forward to the drive

Looking back at those two months I spent without the Peanut I feel like I was being torn in two. I could never pin my brain down and constantly flitted between rational and irrational, love and pragmatism, optimism and despair. I would settle on something for five minutes only to… Read more

I'm looking forward to the drive

Looking back at those two months I spent without the Peanut I feel like I was being torn in two. I could never pin my brain down and constantly flitted between rational and irrational, love and pragmatism, optimism and despair. I would settle on something for five minutes only to… Read more

A normal sadness

Months ago, I wrote about my lack of a birthing plan here. Having never had a baby before, I didn’t know what I wanted. All I knew was I didn’t want anything off the table in terms of pain relief and I didn’t feel too worried if it ended in… Read more

Real Imprints 2

Here’s the second half of my piece for Real Imprints.   Thanks, Lindsey, for the opportunity. Read more

Feature on Real Imprints

The lovely people over at Real Imprints asked me to write an original piece about the Peanut and me. I crammed a year of blogging into around 4,000 words and submitted it. You can read the first half here. The second half will feature on Thursday. Spoiler alert, we learn the Peanut’s… Read more

Not the way I do

For all my positivity and feeling optimistic about the Peanut and life in general, sometimes some things just hit me in the guts. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, and in fact it often isn’t. My whole life music has been a huge part of the way I experience… Read more

A night of lovely moments

Last night the Peanut and I had a late one. My usual bedtime of 8.30pm was pushed out to much later. No I wasn’t out drinking or partying or even at the movies. I was at my school’s senior prize giving. On this night, the year 11s, 12s and 13s… Read more

As long as it’s healthy

“Do you have a preference for a boy or a girl?” The pregnant woman pauses. Considers her belly and gives the typical answer. “I don’t mind, as long as it’s healthy.” It’s the standard response. I know I gave it myself many months ago before I knew the Peanut was… Read more

As long as it's healthy

“Do you have a preference for a boy or a girl?” The pregnant woman pauses. Considers her belly and gives the typical answer. “I don’t mind, as long as it’s healthy.” It’s the standard response. I know I gave it myself many months ago before I knew the Peanut was… Read more

The tug of expectations

Today is a good day. A great day, even. Today we had the Peanut’s Visiting Neuro Developmental Therapist (VNDT) over to see us. She has been over the last two weeks but the Peanut has chosen that exact day and time to nap the morning away. She is normally a… Read more

Not the way you figured

“Life’s not gonna go the way you figured.” I’m 31 years old and I feel pretty priviledged to only just be figuring this one out. I heard this gem while watching Third Watch, a 90s emergency services drama featuring ridiculously good looking New York firemen, cops and paramedics. During the… Read more

A day for optimism – what the Peanut can do, instead of what she can't

I don’t know if it’s because I slept for 12 hours straight last night, or just because I’m sick of complaining, but today I want to tell you about the things the Peanut CAN do. I’ve always thought of myself as a realist. That’s my euphemism for pessimist. But in… Read more

A day for optimism – what the Peanut can do, instead of what she can’t

I don’t know if it’s because I slept for 12 hours straight last night, or just because I’m sick of complaining, but today I want to tell you about the things the Peanut CAN do. I’ve always thought of myself as a realist. That’s my euphemism for pessimist. But in… Read more

The bottom of the well

When you combine a tendency to cry when stressed, angry, sad, tired, under pressure and forced to speak to a large crowd, with five very hard months you get a lot of tears. My eyes have produced more salt water than I ever thought possible. A serious bout of sobbing… Read more

It takes a special person

    If you read blogs written by special needs parents, you will recognise the post where they talk about people asking them how they do it? People look at their lives, their family’s lives and they ask “how do you manage?” I haven’t been asked that question yet, probably… Read more

ONE MORE SLEEP!!

One more sleep and my baby girl is coming home. One more sleep and I get to see those smiles every day. One more sleep and I get to know the ins and outs of her schedule, be the expert on all that is the Peanut. One more sleep and… Read more

When platitudes start to make sense

When the Peanut was born, people would tell me all number of platitudes. The most common from nurses and hospital staff was that the Peanut “is not her diagnosis”. Internally, I scoffed. I was faced with another piece of bad news each day leading to an overwhelming list of medical… Read more