I did a thing

I did a thing

One of the lessons Eva taught me was to never take anything for granted, and I don’t intend to. For that reason, and so many more, I married my best friend and love of my life on the weekend. It was a surprise ceremony that was terribly kept, but wonderful… Read more

Autumn – hues of technicolour depression

Autumn – hues of technicolour depression

We’ve had a terrible summer. The weather never seemed to realise we were waiting in our shorts and singlets, and it held out on us for months. We had days, not weeks, of sunshine, and then suddenly, it was March, and Autumn was upon us. Eva was born at the… Read more

I see a girl…

I see a girl…

I have this photo on my phone of Eva. I spread the apps out across my phone so that there’s a screen with just one app and I can swipe through the screens until I reach her face, free from apps in the way. It’s the face I see before… Read more

#Notspecialneeds

#Notspecialneeds

In the world of social justice, language is important. I consider myself fairly woke, or if I’m honest, in a continuous process of waking up, and almost daily I learn something about the language I’m using in reference to disability, mental health and ableism. I thought I had the disability… Read more

Eva’s third birthday

Eva’s third birthday

Eva’s birthday is coming up. April 6th. She would have been three. Every few months I play a thought experiment, and try to imagine both our lives if she was still here. I imagine the big things, her crawling, her hearing sound with cochlear implants, her and I living together… Read more

Rare Disease Day – my speech

Rare Disease Day – my speech

Last week I gave a speech for the New Zealand Organisation for Rare Diseases on Rare Disease Day. It was just 3 days after Eva’s anniversary and I was a bit worried about how I would cope. I managed to get through till the last paragraph before I cried, so… Read more

New photos of Eva

New photos of Eva

I have hundreds of photos of Eva. My phone is never far from me and I used it, a lot, to capture her smile, her successes in tummy time, he cry, I captured everything I could. Even with these hundreds, and the dozens of videos I captured too, there is… Read more

Two years since she died

Two years since she died

It’s hard to believe it has been almost 2 years since Eva died. Eva was only here for 10 and a half months, less than half the time she has already been gone, but I will feel her loss and the hole she left behind her for the rest of… Read more

Disability as a unique demonstration of diversity – not misery

A woman kills her 20 year old daughter and the public’s response is to call it a mercy killing. Donella Knox murdered her 20 year old daughter Ruby, who had severe Autism spectrum disorder and intellectual disability. The Herald reported that Ruby had a number of associated conditions in addition… Read more

Let’s put people before our wallets

It’s a hard time to care right now. It feels like there are too many horrible things happening. Too many fires to put out. Too many irons in the fire. The heat starts to dim, because we are stretched too thin. But while it’s hard to care, as a white… Read more

Dear Mamas podcast with guest, The One in a Million Baby

Before Christmas I got together with two fantastic women, Emily Writes and Holly Walker, on their podcast Dear Mamas which features on The Spinoff to talk about what it’s like to be a parent when someone in the family has chronic illness, medical needs or disability. We discussed Eva and… Read more

Emily Writes – Rants in the Dark book launch

Emily Writes – Rants in the Dark book launch

When you’re a new mum you need all the community you can get. Sometimes it’s hard to find a community you gel with. Mothers can be judgmental. One mother who is not judgmental, and who has made it her business to share the ins and outs of parenthood and build… Read more