Telling my story and Eva’s story hasn’t been easy. At times I have closed my eyes to avoid seeing my fingers hitting “Publish” on certain posts.
I worry that I’ve said too much, that I will be judged and condemned for things I’ve done. But even with that worry, I still feel it’s important to tell it. I know that some people will judge me. I don’t blame them. But they aren’t the people who matter in this scenario. The people who matter are the parents like me who might read something I’ve written, or listen to the podcast and hear a story that makes them feel less alone. I’ve had some backlash before. It hurt. I was told I was not fit to be a mother and how dare the government give back a baby to a monster like me. But then I receive emails where a mother tells me my blog has helped her feel less alone. That I could have been writing her story because of all the similarities, and that positive message far outweighs any negatives.
In making the podcast I want to reach as many families as I can. So I decided to put my money where my mouth is and get word out there. Starting with an article in NZ’s Woman’s Weekly magazine.
The magazine came out today. I held my breath flicking through until I found my story, worried that it wouldn’t get across the message I wanted. But it was fantastic. It covers our journey and struggles and what I’ve done since Eva died in her name and honour.
The One in a Million Baby is going places. I told Eva she would move mountains.