My flame burns the brightest 

My flame burns the brightest 

I have shared so much about my life with Eva, my readers, and anyone else, could understandably think I don’t value privacy at all. I share Eva with the world, so you could assume I don’t feel protective of her memory. It’s something I have thought a lot about as… Read more

A New Year, moving forward not moving on

A New Year, moving forward not moving on

The end of 2015 is approaching.  I feel conflicted about how to view it and moving forward. I’m sure some people would think I would want to put the last two years behind me. 2014 and 2015 have without a doubt been the hardest years of my life. I have… Read more

The full force 

The full force 

So many of the mothers I am visiting on this trip have worried about how I will cope being around so many children. They have been concerned, quite realistically, that being around healthy, happy kids will be upsetting to me and remind me of what I have lost.  Truth be… Read more

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas, everyone. This was my Christmas last year. I’m glad I got one with Eva, even if it was the only one. This year is very different, but I’ll be thinking about that little chicken licken all day long.   Read more

I won't sit in the waiting place

I won't sit in the waiting place

When you lose someone you love, there are some dates and days that are harder than others. Anniversaries, birthdays, family gatherings, Christmas. They all take on a different meaning. We remember the Christmases we got to enjoy with the people we have lost, and we know that we won’t have… Read more

The City that never sleeps

The City that never sleeps

They say NYC is the city that never sleeps. I don’t know that I’ve been making the most of that aspect of the city, but it did make me think of other things. This city is so big. There are so many people in a relatively small area. Buildings loom… Read more

New York, New York

New York, New York

I so wanted to love this city. And…. I do. The buildings. The busyness. The subway. The Christmas trees on every corner. The pizza. The sky scrapers. The excess and spectacle of Times Square. The architecture and gargoyles. The beautiful interiors of the Public Library and Grand Central Station, which… Read more

Friendship in motherhood

Friendships have always been hugely important to me. As a child and teenager they were what made my world go round. In the days before I developed a phobia of phone conversations I would spend hours with my ear against a headset, reliving the whole day’s events with a friend. … Read more

Sweet pea

Sweet pea

I have managed to avoid tears on this trip so far. It’s not that I don’t want to cry, but I have just not felt like crying. But then a friend I was visiting in Salem gave me this. And suddenly, I was crying.    My friend had given her… Read more

Lessons learnt along the way

Lessons learnt along the way

I’m realising a few things already about myself on this trip. 1. I like big cities, but at heart I am a small city girl. The city I live in, Wellington, New Zealand, is compact but busy. It packs a lot in to a small space but in the great… Read more

Two stops down

Two stops down

I landed in Minneapolis on Saturday afternoon. As I was walking towards the baggage claim, imagining meeting the first of my Mama facebook group, I started to feel my throat getting thick in anticipationg of tears.  At moments on my flights over here, feelings of panic rose in my chest… Read more

It begins! 

It begins! 

Just a short post to announce my arrival in the States. Sixteen hours of flying and I’m here! I’ve still got a few more to go to get to my first official stop, Minneapolis, but the hard part is over. I thought about Eva a lot on the plane. There… Read more