One last paediatrician appointment

By on April 30, 2015

I have only been back to Eva’s hospital once since she died. I was dropping off her unused feeding tubes and I dashed in and out without pausing. I didn’t want to pay for parking. I was in the grounds for under 10 minutes and in the children’s outpatients for maybe 30 seconds. I didn’t Read More...


Quality of life – a crowd sourcing question

By on April 23, 2015

I have been reading Emily Rapp’s book, The Still Point of the Turning World. It is amazing. Breathtaking. Thoughtful. Beautifully written. Raw. The section I just finished was around some of the challenging medical questions they had to answer with their son. She addresses the difference between “value” and “quality” when considering life. It got Read More...


A force of nature

By on April 20, 2015

Yesterday was a hard day. After a lovely brunch with my sister I came home and felt the two weeks of holidays without much to keep my mind busy piling up on me. I know I shouldn’t complain, and I’m not. I love the holidays that come with being a teacher. But the lack of Read More...


She's in the stars

By on April 19, 2015

Sometimes I can go days without crying. I will be busy and my brain occupied and while Eva is always there in my head, it doesn’t bring me to tears. And other days, I look at a photo of her and can’t quite believe her radiant little presence isn’t here anymore. A friend recently gave Read More...




The end of an era

By on April 10, 2015

Today marked the end of an era. I moved out of Ess and Jay’s house and into an apartment by myself. I said goodbye to the home and household that has provided immeasureable support to me and Eva over the last year. Ess and Jay are private people. Humble people. Good people (and that’s a Read More...


Birds and butterflies for Eva

By on April 8, 2015

Today my parents and I let 12 monarch butterflies fly in Eva’s name to celebrate her birthday. We watched them blink into the open light when we took the lid off the box. We watched them flap their wings and get ready, look around at the world and then take off into the light rain. Read More...


Happy birthday, Eva

By on April 7, 2015

Eva’s birthday started with a 6am alarm and a walk down to the beach to watch the sunrise and think about Eva. I had gone away with some friends and as the sun came up we lit candles and thought about Eva. During the holiday I thought repeatedly about how Eva would have enjoyed this Read More...